onsdag 9. september 2015

Being Fluttershy in the big city. Coming Home.

It's a strange thing to suffer so much doubt and fear for such a little thing. Although, to me it's not a small thing.

I could go on about how meeting others like me was strange - at first it was a bit terrifying - but then people were so accepting. What I enjoyed most the last weekend was how normal everything was.
And how glad I am for it.

It hurts, at first. Then it doesn't. The millions subjected to change.The transcendence of not just a fate woven by forces outside of control. Still, there's something familiar with this place.

Just like going back to the sunbathed city I learned to know so well, fully knowing that this isn't just a stop on the road to somewhere else, but that this is home. I've got friends living there. The education I'm working on has an offer at a nearby university within the vicinity of public transportation. Former co-workers who's turned out to be friends and a job that would welcome me back with open arms if I asked kindly.

I find myself without a person to hold on to and sleep next at.

I find myself content with my present relationship (or lack of such).
Yes, I do got a special somepony.

To be frank, I can't call others "my special somepony" because doing so would be lying.
As I try to be an honest person, or at least as much as I can...
I don't like lying, deceiving and dishonesty.

I'm not going to tell you about my special somepony.
It's not my place.

In my place, lost as lost can be, I have feelings. And my feelings tell me that until my special somepony and I agree to change the nature of our relationship I don't want something else. I don't need something else or even someone else. Because I have a very special somepony of my own.
And that's all there is to say about that.

People seek out different things. I was never one to go clubbing. I was one to sit in the sun with a drink of chilled, sparkling water in a tall glass pretending it was champagne. At least while I wrote this.

I got to say hello to the bartender I had a crush on, too. I still like her. She's the kind of person I'd like to marry (if it turns out I'm the marrying kind). Not sure what my special somepony thinks about that - it's not something we've talked about. Marrying, I mean.

I'm going back to the place where I feel I belong.

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