fredag 31. juli 2015

The internet makes many things easier, that much is true.

Yet we’re still riding wild horses, suffering dull pain and arches. Staged ques, unfairness and villains. And I still can’t feel bitter about it or treat you unkind. As broken faith leaves tears, dreams of lies, sins and the ponies that connects them… It’s time to dismount.

It’s time to find a cutie mark.

onsdag 22. juli 2015

I may have been mistaken.
I may be emotional – I may be down.
Doesn’t really matter, does it?

One life. One little Human being.
Realizing what’s going to happen.

It’s funny, isn’t it.
No. No, not really.
No existential swim for me.

I find it hard to keep focus.
I can feel my hearth beating.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to do anything stupid.
Talks. Some good. Others not.
And I can’t pick up the phone.

Don’t talk of bombs, cars or murder.
Don’t think about killing, death and partners.
Can’t sing.
Not that it would matter.

Can’t make the call.

But can’t.

“You need to arm yourself with information.”

All it took a friendly suggestion from a random, yet wonderful connection I’ve recently learned to appreciate.*


The title is the advice I plan to follow. I’m going to seek out others who’s been through what I intend to do, asking them questions and hear their stories – learning about possible pitfalls and what to do in different situations that may arise. I’m going to take the time to do extensive research on the subject. Be forearmed about the challenges I will face. Self-re-discovery. I need to take all the time I need to understand my transition and understand what I want from this. Some people never go through with reassignment and live perfectly happy lives with their new identities. I wasn't sure I’ll be able to do this since in my mind, I had skipped this bit already – wanting to rush forward and get it over with. Guess that's just a normal human response to these things.

“You can sit and read all the wishy washy stories people post on the internet about their transitions which are nice and full of hope. But they're no substitute for actually being able to speak with someone who has gone through it all and can answer your questions and help you understand what you should be teaching yourself.”

Slow down. Educate oneself. It's the same with everything, but it's especially important for something so profoundly life changing.
To have a full awareness of the issues one could potentially have to deal with in one’s life so one can figure out how to deal with them should one ever face them - hence the recommendation of getting in contact with people who have experience to share.

 “There's a whole community of people out there ready and willing to embrace you for who you are and give you the benefit of their experience. All you have to do is reach out and they'll reach back.”


*”Family is an important thing in life: no argue there. But you can`t define yourself by other people. Life is to short, you have to be your own man (or woman). Otherwise, you will always strive to make others happy, not yourself. And to take care of others, first one must know to care of oneself.”

tirsdag 21. juli 2015

Slice of life - have a slice of my life.

So this happened at work today (aka yesterday):
My supervisor takes me to the side and asks me if I’ve been having fun at the expense of the new intern/summer temp. Baffled, I replied no. She then said that there was some “rumors” going around and that I’ve been acting… less than professional. Now, I’m stunned and my supervisor asks me if I had any idea what she was talking about – and I’ve got no idea. I’ve just been myself. Clearly, that was offensive – me being friendly, trying to be supportive and casual made this new co-worker uncomfortable. This proves two things – that the new intern is far too young to work in this kind of environment (man, I remember that I’ve had quite some shocks when I started in the business over seven years ago) and that my current work location is WAY too much conservative for me.

I promised my supervisor I'd be more professional in said co-worker's vicinity from here on now.

Getting back home, slightly discontent and mildly upset, I went to watch some blind reactions to A SLICE OF LIFE – having seen that episode plenty o’times already. Fun fact, they’ve got too many references to even notice them all the first time (hint: it helps if you’re focusing on the episode instead of commenting on it). I’m glad (And proud!) to say that I got the trio from the bowling the first time they appeared on my screen.

Having now watched several of blind reacts to this episode (in fact, I’ve lost count on how many I’ve seen), I’ve got maybe two who’d I’d watch again. Others… not so much.

However, it’s nice to see different people, fans and all sorts of Bronies gets excited about it – not to mention what the particular kind “gets” and what’s slipping past them. At some point, there’s going to be a study about this. I just know it. But I’m not going to do it. Almost makes me wish I’d taped my reactions to the episode and uploaded it to YouTube. Almost. Yeah. That and the message.

roleplaying game (RPG) is a type of game where players assume the roles of fictional characters via improvisations. At its core, an RPG is a form of interactive and collaborative storytelling. Whereas cinema, novels and television shows are passive, RPGs engage the participants actively, allowing them to simultaneously be audience, actor, and author.
In case you didn't knew that.

Someday, I’d like to be able to sing Let It Go. I’m talking full costume, hair styled in the same fashion… the whole thing, only slightly different because it’s going to be me and not Elsa. I mean, sure, I’ve stepped into the shoes of Prince Hamlet and spoken the words “to be or not to be” (although it was at my mother tongue at the time, thus making them “å være eller å ikke være” – strange Norwegian letters ftw), portrayed a Norse God (as well as a Jotne (that’s like the intelligent, smaller cousin of a Troll – think of them what Goblins are to Orcs if that helps you get the idea) in the same play), been Willy from Where is Willy for an evening (that was fun) and made (almost) an entire LARP crew hate, dislike or want to murder me based on my performance as a (much) darker Rhett Butler inspired blockade runner Captain (filthy rich, smug, self-centered and spoiled – not to mention spiteful and a beater of his wife)… The point is, I think I can do a fairly decent Elsa.
And I think it would be good for me, too.

lørdag 11. juli 2015

a kiss in the dark

One of my favorite thinkers, Gonzalo Lira, wrote a blog the other day where he said, "I'm down. I'm really down. I'm waiting for something. I don't know what I'm waiting for, but I'll know it when I see it." That's a beautiful thing. I felt really moved by the fact that this brilliant guy could stop in the middle of everything and admit that. No bullshit; just sharing the truth. People responded and started telling him what he should do with his life. They were all trying to be rescuers... But he didn't need rescuing. He didn't need to be fixed. He was just being honest. To me, that's the real power of all of this... We're sharing ideas. We're sharing the truth...
Lance Henriksen

fredag 10. juli 2015

Insignificant self inflicted rant.

After turning twenty-eight, I knew I wasn’t going to join the 27 club, so I made a drastic life changing decision instead.  I’m not yet ready to talk about it publicly, but if you read this and know what I’m referring to, then please keep it to yourself.

A former friend and coworker of mine once uttered the sentence “smile with sound” – come to think about it, it’s true. Even smiling silently makes noises of it’s own. Sort of.

I keep way to much stuff around.

Having spent the last days going through old clothing that no longer fit or will become unfit, I’ve yet to turn my eye at the junk that keeps on collecting around me – old birthday presents, gifts, random things I bought for an occasion that most likely will never happen… I’ve begun sorting through some items and done some hard choices, but I fear that several more is to come. I only wish that my resolve will not wither away.

I’m a brony. There. That’s one thing that’s become obvious, but that I’ll say out loud none the less.
Being me I’ve been neglecting myself in ways that will come back and haunt me later. But for now, I don’t really care – I’m who I am, I’m not giving in and despite it all, friends do really make the magic.

I don’t think I’m fit for being an officer.