This was written last night.

There comes a time, a moment, where you no longer care - where you no longer want to care. These moments can come suddenly and out of the blue, or brew for a time, inevitably advancing without mercy. To me, such a moment came when Snow signed off from being the one and only.
So I'm doing the same.

This is Nomi, signing off.

“You are infrequently vile – you mostly put others before yourself, though you may find occasions in which your dark side shines.”

Charming, although rather accurate, too.

Scoring below medium on Machiavellianism, narcissism and psychopathy (in even ever decreasingly score by the mentioned order), I dare you to take the test and let your results be known to me.

I promise, I won’t judge.

An obvious gay man have taken delight in my services as a professional, and I am pleased to note that he is quickly becoming my favorite person to process in the line of duty.

I find that utterly delightful and pleasurable.

And if you by my description of the situation find it utterly in misconception, then who’s to blame – the writer or the reader? We all try to find meanings, some hidden, some blue, some clear, some pink, and some sugar coated, with our lives. Click on what you find to your liking.

Many of the concepts we adhere to are not easily debunked, deconstructed or otherwise demolished. We are, after all, products of our time, upbringing, and personal evolution and realization. However, freedom and respect should be core values. What happens when our enemies don’t play fair? Do we stoop to their level, or stand our high cultural ground of justice, unassailable and immortal? Ideas can die. Some ideas deserve to die. This isn’t one of those ideas.

Shall I shave my head?

Stayed at the (most?) famous Borg designation. Unlike Annika, I did not fight the Rock.

I did not go to the meeting. Not this time. Will be easier with a secondary location.

Eat what is yours. Become a meal.
Happy?

Green eyes, blue eyes, red eyes. Spock. By blood, by ears, by heart.

Past, present. Presents. I give to you - Erin Ptah.

You might ask yourself whom this is. I can tell you that this is a political active creator of cartons. Not only a giver of humor and understanding, but an inspiration to follow and aspire to. Links to the right of me, smiles to the left - stuck in the middle with you.

Broken does not always require fixing, repair or adaptation. Sometimes breaking the norm is a good thing. Evolving.

Feel-good is the extreme make over team all coming to hug the newly lucky ones who'll stay in the new/old house. Jon Snow knows nothing. Jane Snow knows all.

One of my first actions in the big city? Buying a coffee and buns for one of those less lucky - in addition to 200,- NOK. Why? Humanity. Compassion. Doing what is right without any thought of reward than common decencies.

At the party, I met Vampire. I did not kiss Vampire (but for on the neck), and Vampire did not kiss me.

The lack of collar understanding is lacking outside the scene of Marten's mom. Proves one is not to assume.

Connections. Bounds. Respect.

Safe. Secure. Consensual.

Counting stars as R.
Counting stars with R.

Gentleman in her heart.

Pubic hair snot.

THIS is why we have a long, long way to go. But we’ll get there. Little by little, we’ll get there.

A man once said that we should strive to do better – to become better, and excel. Granted, these are not the exact words, yet I find them comforting. Like an old dog, barking in the night. Or having your MMO server down for an unspecified time on a Friday evening.

A pondering pox for Penny and the Pax left littering boxes of seaweed and surplus shoe slime for no other reason than laughing at the pandemic.

I am writing this because I have little room to fabricate letters elsewhere.

I did not march.

There are, of course, reasons as to why I didn’t. Most of them I share with a friend of mine.

Work.

Unlike others, I have a job that incudes shift for every day of the week, every week of the year. Having shifts on both Friday and Saturday severely hampered my option to be part of the march – not to mention that I work nights and as such the timing of the march would be around when I was sound asleep.

Travel.

I live in a large geographical country with a low population. Translation: distance matters. A lot. From my present location, a trip to the capital would take about three to four hours one way. Double it and the time spent on such a journey would not only deprive me of most of my sleep schedule, but also drain me of energy.

Butterfly transformation.

As I am undergoing a radical change, both physically and mentally, I do not particular enjoy being seen in the public eye. While there are matters worthy of fighting for and sacrificing your own privacy of, I marched in spirit instead of body.

Tonight I celebrated life with chocolate and coffee.

Neither of which I enjoy very much these days. Oh, good coffee and dark chocolate, that is an entirely different thing in small moderation. These, however, were not that kind.

Someone once said that every day, you should give yourself a gift. While I don’t presume you have heard this quote before now, it is none the less a sound advice.

Tonight, my gift is hope.

Hope for myself, my family and my friends, my country and my continent, my future and my world.

Not evil, simply prioritize differently in questions involving moral and ethical matters. Alas, those points of view do not coexist very well with my own.

Queer Poetics: How to Make Love to A Trans Person

By Gabe Moses

Forget the images you’ve learned to attach

To words like cock and clit,
Chest and breasts.
Break those words open
Like a paramedic cracking ribs
To pump blood through a failing heart.
Push your hands inside.
Get them messy.
Scratch new definitions on the bones.

Get rid of the old words altogether.
Make up new words.
Call it a click or a ditto.
Call it the sound he makes
When you brush your hand against it through his jeans,
When you can hear his heart knocking on the back of his teeth
And every cell in his body is breathing.
Make the arch of her back a language
Name the hollows of each of her vertebrae
When they catch pools of sweat
Like rainwater in a row of paper cups
Align your teeth with this alphabet of her spine
So every word is weighted with the salt of her.

When you peel layers of clothing from his skin
Do not act as though you are changing dressings on a trauma patient
Even though it’s highly likely that you are.
Do not ask if she’s “had the surgery.”
Do not tell him that the needlepoint bruises on his thighs look like they hurt
If you are being offered a body
That has already been laid upon an altar of surgical steel
A sacrifice to whatever gods govern bodies
That come with some assembly required
Whatever you do,
Do not say that the carefully sculpted landscape
Bordered by rocky ridges of scar tissue
Looks almost natural.

If she offers you breastbone
Aching to carve soft fruit from its branches
Though there may be more tissue in the lining of her bra
Than the flesh that rises to meet it
Let her ripen in your hands.
Imagine if she’d lost those swells to cancer,
Diabetes,
A car accident instead of an accident of genetics
Would you think of her as less a woman then?
Then think of her as no less one now.

If he offers you a thumb-sized sprout of muscle
Reaching toward you when you kiss him
Like it wants to go deep enough inside you
To scratch his name on the bottom of your heart
Hold it as if it can-
In your hand, in your mouth
Inside the nest of your pelvic bones.
Though his skin may hardly do more than brush yours,
You will feel him deeper than you think.

Realize that bodies are only a fraction of who we are
They’re just oddly-shaped vessels for hearts
And honestly, they can barely contain us
We strain at their seams with every breath we take
We are all pulse and sweat,
Tissue and nerve ending
We are programmed to grope and fumble until we get it right.
Bodies have been learning each other forever.
It’s what bodies do.
They are grab bags of parts
And half the fun is figuring out
All the different ways we can fit them together;
All the different uses for hipbones and hands,
Tongues and teeth;
All the ways to car-crash our bodies beautiful.
But we could never forget how to use our hearts
Even if we tried.
That’s the important part.
Don’t worry about the bodies.
They’ve got this.

Hiding myself in water.

Down by the watership, a town stands without an abbey. Furnace and stove, oven and grilled, smoke rises on the horizon. Nine lives for the feline, none for unmentionable objects. The tune turns thunder inside my head.

Choosing to live and let live, become life and reborn, half and whole, hole without edges or land line markers. Time progresses above your eyebrows.

The silence of the mind keeps churning.

You grind the flour into corn, you grind the teeth to dust and the agony of a dentist, you grind reputation for yet another useless faction that fractures the fraction you’ll forget come the next expansion.

Beyond treks past darkness and sunlight, you face mountains and cliffs without your Shepard. Musk and music mix and blend, create artificial light bulbs to intense incense playing with your fingertips. Husk. Husk. Do not be the dried one.
Streams of steam hunkering down the waterfall, cliffing the airfield away and on to purple. Church bells clime and dime with forgotten currencies of the many.

I do not speak for the Empire.

I stand apart.

I stood in rain. I stood in pits. I stood in falls.

Standing, giving gifts.

The gift of giving brings joy to the heart.

Crooked front teeth at the band member fronting the font. Fountain.

Unstimulated intellect.

Concrete mother.

Do you desire the one you cannot have?

The butterfly transformation, part one.

It's official!

You may now address me as R. Why? Because it is my legal name. One application successfully done and approved.

I'm fairly certain that this is still on the caterpillar stage, but I am no longer just a larva. When the future will bring the metamorphosis to physical change.

Butterflies go through four stages in life that are considered to be great mysteries. They are real survivors even with life’s many twists and turns. Butterflies have been able to adapt and make it through unimaginable obstacles. Butterflies are holometabolous, experiencing a complete metamorphosis, or in other words, a complete change in body form. They begin life as a larva and pupate into an immobile state and emerge as a butterfly, looking nothing like their pre-pupated state.

Butterflies go through a really amazing metamorphosis when being transformed from a caterpillar to an adult. The process inside the chrysalis is very intense. The insect’s body basically is liquefied by digestive fluids and the body is restructured using specialized formative cells. This process is called histogenesis, in which undifferentiated cells are used to build different body tissues. This is similar to the building of tissues that can be done with stem cells in other animals.
Regina Cutter Edwards

Mother of Ninkas

If traverse deep within the Nomiverse, you find a heart. This heart is guarded, not by orcs, but of variation.

One day, the Mother of the Ninkas passed by. She did not think much of it, as there are many strange and wonderful things within the Nomiverse, some more social, some more hidden. The heart itself was odd enough, so not a lot knew where to look for it – it had a mind and a will of its own. It also tended to change locations often rather than seldom.

The Mother of the Ninkas payed no attention to the heart. She was out for a stroll in the dark woods of the homeland, sometimes moonlit, sometimes twilight, sometimes dusk and sometimes morning light. The dark woods of the homeland stretched out far and it was quite easy to get lost there.

The Mother of the Ninkas did not become lost.

Past the dark woods of the homeland rises a tower. 

In the other direction mountains make their mark on the horizon.

The Mother of the Ninkas did not seek either of them, so she continued on her own, invisible path.

The Mother of the Ninkas did not appear to be tired from walking so much.

…and at long, long last, the Mother of the Ninka come home to her cave, went inside, and was greeted by the soft yapping of the newborn Ninkas. The Mother of the Ninkas cuddled the newborn Ninkas and assured the newborn Ninkas that the world was big, that the Mother of the Ninkas was here now and that three kings would come in the name of Anton.

German cars in winter.

The sound of a roaring engine cut the clear air and silence away. Snow fell from naked branches. Silently, a text came together.

Hello, dear reader.

I know I’ve been silent for quite some time now. There are reasons for that. Some of those reasons are not going to be fully, or even remotely, explored here.

I’d like to address the US election.

While not an American myself, I am part of the world at large. Shaken, to put it mildly. Scared, to be honest.

Having recently come across another one who dips into the practice of sharing words with strangers on the web at large, I’ll link the post that sums up why HRC is the better option.

Funny how you stumble across the most valuable information in strange and unexpected places, isn’t it?

  

He's suave and sophisticated with a deadly edge to him.

Behold, she who thought of

nothing but her own fleeting

pleasure,

shall by her own pleasure be/enslaved.

CS:GO - Ninkas vs. FaZe [Dust2] Map 1 - ESL One Cologne 2017 - Semifinals

- …and we are back here from Cologne for this year’s semi-finals of CS:GO. Lauren, we’ve seen a lot of interesting matches these last days and I’m surprised, actually, astounded, to say that we here face against an unlikely setup: Nomi8 and the newcomers Ninkas up versus the well-established FaZe Clan. Now, I can’t stress this enough – with Fnatic and EnVyUs both knocked out of the fight and with DruMz predicted the most likely to win their test against NiP, can Ninkas land a spot in the finals?

- Alex, you know better than to speculate on how this can go – Ninkas is still very new and they find themselves much like in the position where FaZe started out as, so at this point it could go either way. Besides, we have to leave something to the desk analytics once the match is finished.

- When you say that they find themselves in a similar position as FaZe, Lauren, you mean with being a dynamic and unpredictable, in fact, a complete unknown?

- Precisely, Alex. Now, we’ve seen N7 picking up the pace of the last games and we finally have a sniper who could possible rival even kennyS  - wingS have been holding her own for quite a few struggles.

- Yes, wingS is definitely ice cold when it comes down to it and a key player to keep an eye out for you folks watching the stream.

- …and Nomi8 takes the frag! My god, perfect scope from wingS there, just straight out in the open and aizy’s got nowhere left to run and Nomi just picks him apart. And here comes allu, trying to even it out but he can’t! He misses the shot, walks right back into the smoke and misses all of that spray – what a shame.

- Excellent lineup there from wingS, playing it right into the hands of Nomi8.

- And there goes allu – another wonderful shot from wingS and he’s taken completely by surprise!

- You can say that allu did bring a knife to that fight – such an unfortunate time to swap weapons.

- …lurking around CT spawn there, you can see N7 just waits for it but oh, did rain just run into that?

- Yes, he does and there’s jkaem, trying to back him up but it’s too late! Too late and N7 wastes them both! B is wide open and the bomb goes down, giving Ninkas the lead once more.

- Excellent spray from rain back there, but unfortunately it doesn’t pay off.

- …and now comes the AWPs into play.

- Yes, you can see that wingS have been saving for this, being quite the decent shot from T spawn in the past but can she yes she can and there goes aizy, pinned down. Opens up a lot of options for wait, that’s TWO kills in the first five seconds as allu tries to retaliate but he’s too slow starring down that smoke and wingS picks him off right off the bat!

- Wow, the CTs did not expect that. Two shots and this game is done – they have no chance trying to turn this around now.

- There goes Nokatoshi.

- Typical lurking around, trying to sneak past karrigan and get a peak.

- Oh, you have to give Nokatoshi some slack for having to play it careful here. We’ve seen what good lurkers can do on this map, and Nokatoshi has learned from the best. Besides, karrigan isn't one to fool easily.

 - Aggression on the T side here against B.

- There’s rain, playing the long-shot.

- Oh, nice nade there by leAn, blocking the path, forcing him to retreat.

- And it is followed up by more mind games. I must say, I’m impressed – not a lot of people who’d be willingly to try to outwait rain like this and it’s working so beautifully as they cut him off from behind and there comes the kill. That’s six consecutive games for Ninkas in a row.
- They’re tearing FaZe to shreds here: the CT side has nothing to stand up against them with a broken economy.

- Tactical pause - I think, yes, it is Ninkas. Skorch wants a word with the team.

- Most likely telling them not to get cocky.

- Well, FaZe haven't had that much of a comeback, but it pays to listen to your analyst.

- Quick run towards A here. Nokatoshi taking the lead with leAn and Nomi8 on the tail, N7 poking B to keep FaZe from guessing where they’re going to strike while wingS stray towards the catwalk all by herself.

- It’s funny how Nomi8 always seems to anticipate what Nokatoshi’s going to do even before the move is there.

- Well, I guess it helps being siblings and playing on the same team.

- …wait, what?

- Oh, you didn’t know? Yes, Nomi8 and Nokatoshi have been playing against each other for years, and Nomi has seen a lot of Nokatoshi’s early career first hand, but it wasn’t until the younger went pro that Nomi actually found her team and when Nokatoshi finally left DruMz, his sister was already standing by with a team to take control of.

- Hang on, that sounds remarkable like what karrigan did for FaZe back in the day!

- But it doesn’t help him here as Nomi goes down but is instantly traded for karrigan by leAn, leaving Nokatoshi clear to sprint forward?!

- leAn following up with cover spray, keeping the attention, can we see a – Nokatoshi goes for a bomb plant!

- This is unreal. They have no idea what’s going on and jkaem can’t cross over due to N7’s flash and smoke tactic. We see that allu tries to come around and again finds the cross hair of wingS!

- I think we can safely say that this match belongs to Ninkas. FaZe will have a really hard time trying to climb back up, but we have seen that before. However, the cursed 3/12 still stand against them. We will see if they can do it once we are back from the break.