I am the storm.

Having mentioned that I have two special someones in my life, I would like to talk a little about that. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then you know where to read. Moving on.

Now, they share certain points in common, but for the sake of privacy will I not say more. However, they are their own unique individual self – despite their similarities. Their color of the hair is the same, and they share a very specific taste. A lot of the physical aspects are familiar, but not what I would normally consider “my” type. Turns out, this might actually be the case.

Of statue and mind, they hold to the higher level, one possible above my own. I am, by far, unintelligent, yet I would rather say that I squander my initial gifts – especially when considering society. I do, however, have plans – though many of my former plans have remained castles of air and nice ideas without following through.

Anyway, I set up a meeting; letting the two of my very special someones come together, wanting them share a few words. Nervous? A bit. Worried about the potential fallout and pitfalls? Not really at the time, no – both my special someones are quite acceptable, kind, gentle and understanding – again, on levels that surpass my own.

And it went well, I thought.

There’s a tree in the back yard across mine. I can see it from my window. It is a small tree, maybe three or four meters high, with a whole lot of a green treeish bush around a brown bark clad center of wood, looking all like a miniature Japanese construct – the ones you use a nail cutter to groom properly. It is a beautiful tree. Standing there tonight, under a grey-clouded sky, it makes me feel better. I can see it from my window. The tree stands on a field of grass. It is not my tree, because trees belong to themselves. Then the rain comes and I go outside to face the storm with a head held high, arms stretched towards the sky, and a silly smile on my face. Lightning bolts becomes my swords when I drew them from the sky. You’ll fear the roar of my thunder. Now run my gauntlet of slashing rain.

It starts with “why”.

What comes next is often up for discussion, as minds work in mysterious ways – and seldom in sync. Harmony? Coordination? How can you measure grief?

In the end, does it even matter? Because you have my trust.

Like a man exiting a tunnel, stepping into the morning light, to face the clear sky of green, the pestilence having ruined the landscape to unrecognizable forms – and he whispers:

And crawling on the planet's face, some insects called the human race. Lost in time, and lost in space. And meaning.

Sharing is believing.

A friend of mine wrote the following:

Okay so I had a nice (alcohol based) discussion with one of my best friends tonight. In that discussion I touched upon something they'd never considered before. So I thought I'd briefly outline it to the world and maybe it could spark some kind of discussion. This is only my feeling and I've no scientific backing for this.

To me, there are four types of attraction. They are platonic, romantic, aesthetic, and sexual.

There are many people that I find aesthetically attractive. These people are beautiful, I enjoy being in their presence just because they are so gosh darn pretty. They are extremely numerous.

There are people who I find platonically attractive. There are many of them too, I want to get to know them, I want them to know me. The people I keep company with all have some high level of platonic attractiveness to me.

There are people that I find romantically attractive. These are the people I want to feel that special closeness from. That I want to be close too. There are a few of them but not so many.

Sexual attraction is a fleeting idea for me, rarely felt but not non existent. Rare enough at least for me to not consider it highly when thinking about my relationships to other people.

To me, everyone has some level of these four attractions. But just because I find someone aesthetically attractive, and romantically attractive, does not mean I'll ever find them sexually attractive. I understand that it's easy to conflate those two things and come to the conclusion that it is in fact the third. But that's generally not the case.

Similarly, while I value platonic and romantic attraction highly, the value I place on relationships is not really weighted in favour of either. Romantic attraction for me is rarer so might seem more special, but I value my friends higher than anything. Which is why my girlfriend (for example) is such a fantastic friend first, romance is a secondary factor.

Sexual attraction seems to stand alone almost, when I put it like that. But that's not really the case. I don't think it's possible for me to be sexually attracted to anyone that I don't have a platonic or romantic attraction to. Aesthetic attraction seems to play a very minor role in this comparatively, but it's in there too.

These are just my thoughts about myself and about how I view the world. It's in my nature to analyse these things but I love to hear other people's opinions. So, does my theory hold any weight to you?

As I started pondering this, I arrived at the conclusion that I can relate to all four. Now, as I’m a far more sexual creature than what my dear friend have described. Sex is still sex, but that’s not the peak in anyone’s romantic relationship – despite what Mass Effect would have you believe.

Let me start in a random order, because keeping things strict and regulated becomes boring at times.

I currently have two people in my life that I’m romantically attracted to. Both of them are extraordinary persons, strong, courageous and inspiring. And I dare say that I love them both, in somewhat different ways. If you have no idea how that’s even possible, see my previous post about being poly. Or just click on THIS link. 

Now, aesthetically attraction… oh, dear. Mostly I just admire good-looking folks from afar and I’m too shy to go up and spark a conversation. Or it’s the lack of confidence. Either way, beauty is the subject of your own personal view, but there are of course the simple “wow, that person is gorgeous” and everybody can see it. The being with the cards mentioned in the Second Exalted March fits this description perfectly.

Sexual attraction is different. To me, it is simply “do I fancy having sex with this person”, and then either ticking off the yes/no box in my mind. Do keep in mind that sexual attention and attraction can grow over time, just as friendship – for example, someone says something that automatically makes to widen your eyes in eager delight and suddenly finding yourself wanting to discuss certain topics in a more intimate setting. Most of my relations can actually fit in this category.

Platonic attraction. Is this friendship? I think it is. That can actually make this the most powerful of all attractions. Platonic love is still love, and what is friendship, if not an expression of that love? This is where you place family and other dearest and nearest ones.

Of course, I may be entirely wrong in interpreting this.

((Also, I'm sharing this on Facebook, because credits are due where credits are due.))

Expect the unexpected.

There are moments that take you completely by surprise. Twists, turns, curve balls, call it what you want. These moments happen and there’s not much we can do to brace ourselves for them.

What matters is that life goes on.

We carry on, scuttling about, trying to make the world a better place. Because we can. And because we must.

Now, let us crush something soft and watch it fountain blood. That is a girlish thing to want to do, yes?

Girls come in many variations, in case you didn't already knew that.

There’s a certain conversation that I’ve come to recall.

- You are like her in some ways. You have the same poise, the same air of nobility.

- Oh, I am hardly noble.

- I learned that nobility isn't just something you are born with. I have met nobles who were petty and mean—complete degenerates. Then there are people with a certain dignity and grace. It draws you to them, no matter who you are, or who they are. I think that the lowest peasant can have the most noble spirit and it will always shine through. It is this nobility of spirit that you share with her.

- Why... thank you. It is very kind of you to say that.

I’ve been trying to tell it for years, but this article explains it better than I’ve done in the past.

When the radio you walk by plays Everybody Hurts.

And all you can think about is putting it on repeat.

So you do.

The attack begins at nightfall.

Do you?

Exclusive.

Solitary.

Tea.

Big decision.

So you wait it out.

Burn the witch, they said.

Which?

I don’t.

Compatible.

Only the piano breaks tears.

Silent running.

Destructive.

Winter wedding?

When the day is not your own.

Knife cutting cheese.

Hold on.

And smile.

You never know what battles are fought by those passing you by.

Being.

And so it comes to this.

Silence of the past.

Haunted doors and wardrobes.

Hurting rain.

Had enough?

Enough now.

RIP Romero.

Going to be a week filled with dread and zombies now, and not the kind of undead you want to invite into your home.

77.

That reminds me - I need to update my survival kit. And find a new safe house.

77.

Personality.

INFP: Acting like your dark, brooding thoughts make you superior to other people because you’re deeper and more complex than they are.

Can’t really say I disagree with that, least not on a bad day. Prefer the other one, to be frank.

Mediator – Poetic, kind and altruistic people, always eager to help a good cause.

I’ll add the link again, if you don’t know what I’m going on about.

And the link to the first statement, too.

Best leave it at that.

Woman in purple.

Colors are important. As a pale person, I prefer purple, black, green, stripes, earthly colors, and what I can feel good/sexy/fabulous in – not to mention what suits my mood.

With a somewhat pale complexion and hair of light brown – or dark dirty blond, if that means anything to you – with a touch of red in it (only visible under certain circumstances and lightning), I must of course take this into the account: as I expect most other people would do when selecting their clothing.

Have you considered scaling the watchtower?

No bite marks on the neck, no robe of swirling at the back, no sharp teeth of white in the moonlight. Tonight, poetic blood sings alone.

PIGTAILS FOR PRIDE

Second exalted march done and over.

Sunburn report: face only (feels like it, not showing).
Muscle soreness: behind the knees and a little down the legs from there (mild), not arms (surprising), shoulders worst (unexpected).
Random pleasant encounters: four (a nice reporter for breakfast company, a lovely inspirational being in a fantastic outfit before the parade, a potential new friend sharing water and food with after as well as an dear old friend walking by without noticing that I had go after just to hug).

Saturday morning: shower, preparation.
Saturday breakfast: last year's location.
Saturday's event: Pride Parade.
Saturday sleep: in order not to collapse.
Saturday evening: Skyfall.

Reminded me of English Operative. Missed him and the gang.

Sunday brings the dawn.

We still got a roa long road to walk go.

Plan for the next Pride: political, bring something for the breakfast, seriousness.

Small wins.

Might as well give an account of what happened.

I dressed in all black and with practical shoes, alas - no photos, sorry. Originally planning to do something similar as last year, I didn't -the second random encounter of the day took care of that. Instead, I marched with a small piece of paper of light purple, white and green with the following text:

       We're here 

     We're queer 

  Get used to it 

Had a lot of smiles and positive reactions from bystanders as I passed them by, so I hopped and skipped and jumped - when I wasn't being serious. Had to take a few breaks from carrying the thing up high above my head, too, so from time to time it was on chest level. Did carry it the entire march, though.

Pinned the thing up on a wall back home as a memento. In honor. Full colors. No, not just because of the Sense8 reference - the lovely creature of inspiration noticed, though - and that is why I was handed it specifically out of the five options. I sincerely hope our paths cross again sometime in the future.

It was a good march. A lonely experience as I spent most conscious thoughts (when not actively using my brain cells on some other task) of someone I wish was there with me.

The world of men will fall and burn. Not necessarily in that order.
The age of humanity is ending.
The time of us humans remains.
Are we our very own nemesis?

One day, my love. One day.